"Survey Says......"

8/4/2018-exactly 4 months post-diagnosis...here were the results...

A1c...6.0!  This is considered Pre-Diabetic range, but decreased over 50% in 4 months!

Metabolic Profile...NORMAL!

Hypertension/Cholesterol Profile...NORMAL!

"Well...I'm getting there", I thought.  "The plan is working.  Now, I just have to stay the course."  Which I did.  

Was it tough?  Absolutely.  Even though my cravings for sugary, carb-laden foods slowly diminished, every once in a while the cravings would bubble back up into my psyche.  Especially during very stressful times.

  

Like the time I had a breast cancer scare.

I had my routine mammogram, like I normally had every other year or so.  I've never had any issues, no breast cancer in my family history (that I knew of, anyways).  So, when I received the call that afternoon to have me come in and get rechecked, I was floored.

"Are you frigging kidding me?  Diabetes, mouth surgery, and now this????  This is the last straw.  I can't be dealing with all of this.  Where's the ice cream?"

But, I mustered up what little strength I had left, resisted the temptation to buy a year's worth of Ben and Jerry's (how, I still have no idea), went back to the radiologist, and had a second mammogram.  Surer than shit, they saw something in the mammogram.  A biopsy needed to be done as soon as possible.

Crap.

A couple of days before the biopsy, I met with the surgeon.  A rather young, attractive woman with an interesting accent, who seemed pretty knowledgeable about all things boobs.  She started to perform the breast exam on me, and commented, "You've lost a lot of breast tissue.  You would be eligible for a breast lift.  You might want to consider that."

Ummmm....what?

I was disgusted, disallusioned.  I thought to myself, "A breast lift?  Are you serious?  What are you, from LA or something?  Do you have $50,000 to spare?  Do you really think I care about the fact that my breasts are sagging down to my knees right now?" But, I didn't say anything to her out loud.  I just chuckled, and let her get on with the remainder of the exam.  Although, I really didn't hear what she had to say after that, I was too pissed off.  Her voice was like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoons...whah whah whahhhhhh.  In hindsight, I should've told her that a breast lift was the least of my worries, and to just be quiet and get on with the exam, please.  I regret not speaking up at that moment.  Metaphor for my life, though.  How many times in my life should I have spoken up about how I felt when people hurt or disappointed me, instead of internalizing my pain and turning to food for answers, or a sense of comfort.  Coulda, woulda, shoulda.  You live and learn, and try not to repeat the behavior.   It's hard, I have to make a conscious effort to try to speak up these days.  But, I do try. 

Happy to report, the breast biopsy turned out to be negative.  Because I had lost weight so rapidly, there were little granules of fat deposits in my breasts.  Nothing to worry about, just keep on with the annual exams, and move on.  

Phew!

But, this experience was a good learning indicator for me.  I was very proud of myself, that I did not give in to my strong craving of ice cream during this crisis.  Which got me to thinking about how this experience was just another example of the true dynamics of this eating disorder.  It really was all psychological.   I came to really see that carbohydrates and sugar acted like highly-addictive drugs in my body.   When it came down to brass tacks, this addiction was not unlike alcohol, opioids, heroin, etc.  The problem with food addiction, however, is that you do need food to live!  You don't need alcohol, marijuana or heroin to live.  So, the trick, that I finally discovered, is to change your relationship with food.  Decide once and for all that food is fuel, and nothing else.  Simple.  Find the foods that fuel your body, make you feel good inside, give you energy.  Resist the foods that make you feel lethargic, cloudy, bloated, gross.   The perfect analogy is that your body is like a car, and food is the gas.  The better quality the gas, the better the car runs.   High-octane gas with no additives=high quality food with no carbs or sugar. 

BINGO.

Until next week...stay safe and well!

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Be a butterfly...🦋

  

This is what I shoulda said to the doctor!!!