The Willow vs. The Mighty Oak

If there ever was a theme for my life these past 26 months it is perseverance in the face of hardship.  What comes to mind is the metaphor of the willow tree, blowing with the wind, not against it, as opposed to the sturdy, inflexible mighty oak, which tends to snap at a stiff wind.  Or a tornado.  Ahhh, a tornado...now there's a fitting image to my story!

The latest instance of testing my perseverance is my hamstring injury.  Four weeks ago, I came in from an outdoor walk, and started to do my leg stretches, like I always do.  SNAP!  I felt a sudden, sharp pain in the side of my left knee.  Immediately, dread and fear began to fill up my stomach.  Then, the irrational thoughts began to fill up my head...

"Oh, no, what if I tore something?  I won't be able to exercise for weeks!"

"If I won't be able to exercise, my blood sugar will go up!"

"If my blood sugar goes up, I'll have to go back on medication!  Maybe even insulin!"

"If I go back on medication, I'll be a failure!  All this hard work will be for naught!"

"Then, my anxiety and depression will come back...will I have to go back on Prozac?"

"Oh my God, all this money we'll have to spend on doctor's bills, MRI's, prescriptions!  We have two college tuition bills to pay for!"

"Well, if all that happens, screw it!  I'll just go back to eating like a pig.  I'm a failure, anyways.  Who cares?  Hey, I'll just increase my insulin, right?"

"But wait...I'll gain all my weight back!"

 "Oh no!  What do I do???  HELP!!!!!!"

UGH!

These thoughts kept rolling over and over and over again in my head for hours, and into a sleepless night.  So draining and exhausting.

The next morning, I limped downstairs sad, defeated, and tired.  I sat down, and had some coffee.  Then, after I had indulged all I possibly could in this negative thinking, I suddenly remembered the image of the willow tree, and started to slowly have some clarity in the situation.

"Ok, Donna, relax.  It's not the end of the world."

"Ice, heat, elevate, ibuprofen for a couple of days.  Give your body a rest from exercise.  After all, rest is as good for your body as constant exercise is."

"If it doesn't feel better in a couple of days, then call the doctor."

"In the meantime, have faith.  Chill out.  Can't worry about things until you need to."

"And if surgery is needed, be grateful we have the health insurance to take care of it, and I have the summer off from work to recuperate."

I immediately began to feel better.

Wouldn't you know it?  In two days the pain subsided significantly, and I slowly started to exercise again.  First, I did Leslie Sansone's 1-mile walking DVD's just walking in place, none of the fancy moves.  After dinner, I went on the exercise bike and moved methodically for as long as I could stand to, around 10 minutes or so.  I did this for a week.  I noticed my leg feeling less and less pain and more strong, so I increased my walking DVD workouts to two miles, just walking in place, and increased the bike to 15 minutes, moving faster.  I did this for a week.  Then, I went back to the 1-mile walking workouts doing all the fancy moves, like side-steps, kick-back, knee-lifts, etc. and continued to ride the bike at night, for 15 minutes.  I did this for a week.  Finally, this week, yesterday, to be exact, I started my 2-mile walking workouts with all the fancy moves!  I'm going to still continue to ride the bike at night until next week, however.  Then, my plan is to start walking outside at night after dinner at a slow pace, and build up from there.  My leg is stiff at times, but there's no more pain.  The stiffness moved from the side of my knee to the back of my leg, which shows it wasn't a knee tear but a hamstring strain from overuse.  Thank God.  No surgery, no doctor's visits.  Just perseverance was needed to be applied.  AGAIN.

Interestingly, during all of this emotional and physical mayhem, another emotion had started to fill up my mind, replacing my fear and dread.  It was gratitude. 

"I am grateful I have this exercise bike!"

"I am grateful for Leslie's DVD's because you can customize your own workout! Like she always says 'You just can't do it wrong!'"

"I am grateful I'm not working this summer so that I can take care of myself, and yet still am getting paid through the pandemic!  Not everyone can say that.  I'm pretty lucky!"

"I am grateful that, if I did have to go to the doctor, or have surgery, yes, it would have been inconvenient.  But, we would have had the financial means and medical insurance to take care of the bills!"

"I am grateful that my husband listens to me rant and rave and cry and gives me sage advice and unwavering support!"

"I am grateful that I did not succumb to old eating habits, my eating-disorder!  I stayed strong!  I kept checking my blood sugar.  I continued with my low-carb meal regimen.  I kept my self-care going!"

I truly believe I have broken the cycle completely now.  I'll never go back to making past mistakes.  I definitely think I have grown substantially throughout this journey.  I'll only look back briefly from time to time to see how far I've come.  But, my focus now is living in the present moment.  Just keeping my eye on the 24-hours I have in front of me and letting the rest unfold naturally.  Without fear and anxiety.  Such a relief!

  

It surely feels like I've been tested over and over again these past 26 months.  Diabetes diagnosis.  Tooth surgeries. A breast cancer scare.  Now, injuries both avoidable and unavoidable.  I'm not getting any younger, you know!  These "tests" are going to keep coming.  Relentlessly.  That's just life!  But, I have to be steadfast in remembering the metaphor of the willow tree.  And with sheer will, determination and gratitude, I will pass each "test" with flying colors.  

Maybe even get an A+!

Until next week, stay well and safe!

Be a butterfly...🦋

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